Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Found your dick twin last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize