Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Welp...herpes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
