one two three fourrrrnication!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
