Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The beer is more important than you right now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize