I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
