I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
