He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
