Your face is a jimmy john
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize