So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
