You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My liver just broke up with me...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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