I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
