so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
