I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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