I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
