This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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