Buhtt sex?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
