Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
