Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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