Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
