we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
