Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
