I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
