is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize