And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
