he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
