JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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