I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Four minutes until I can fart!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
