the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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