Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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