well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
