I feel like I'm in dance class right now
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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