I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ttyl tear gas
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
