The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
