She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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