Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
please come you make the beer taste better
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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