If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
