saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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