The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize