stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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