she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
