WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
