My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
