I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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