just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
