I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
