dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize