He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
