Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry my hands just texted you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
