she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
