Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
