Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
