its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
