I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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