Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
