He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
