I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
