i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize