I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize