I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize