I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
