Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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