How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
