a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
