My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
