if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
