Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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