I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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