I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
